Pilgrim Furniture City Carousel (Southington)

Sorry Kevin
Pilgrim Furniture City Carousel, Southington
October 2023

I had planned to pop into this absolutely massive furniture store years ago with my younger son when he was appreciably younger. You know, carousel ridin’ age.

Despite driving past the store on I-84 just west of the Queen Street exit many dozens of times, I just never made the effort with Calvin. Then I found myself in Southington with some time, but without a carousel ridin’ child. Instead of abducting a random one from the nearby McDonald’s, I decided to go it alone… even if that’s just not ideal for the full Pilgrim Furniture City experience.

At Pilgrim Furniture City we believe furniture shopping can and should be fun for the whole family. That’s why We’ve imported from Argentina a beautiful antique carousel to entertain your kids. Come on in and take it for a spin. All the rides are free! Our carousel is just one of the many reasons why Pilgrim Furniture City is the best place to shop for furniture in Connecticut.

Indeed.

I entered the gigantic 90,000 square-foot showroom alone. Not just “alone” in the sense I didn’t have a child with me, but “alone” in the sense that I was the only customer among the 90,000 square feet of furniture. But not alone in the truest sense, for as you can imagine, there are salespeople roaming about.

The carousel in question is located near the front of the building, so I made a beeline for it and snapped some pictures. It was a Friday and the thing only runs on weekends and only then for little kids upon request. Hm. Okay. I wasn’t going to make anyone turn it on for decidedly not-a-kid me, but I also wasn’t going to make the effort to return here with a kid.

Yup. This was it. This would be my lone visit to the Pilgrim Furniture City of Southington Carousel. (Don’t despair! There’s another carousel down at Pilgrim’s Milford 90,000 square-foot Milford store!)

It’s small and compact and really quite pretty. I know nothing more about it, and will take their word for it that it is “antique” and from Argentina.

I was done. I had my pictures of the rather beautiful amusement and of the slightly eerie “How To” manual for it. I was making my way slowly to the exit…

“Hello! Are you shopping?”

Now, I immediately found this an odd question from the salesman. Like, why else would I be in this store? Its location is such that you don’t simply end up here by accident. Ever. Literally 100% of people inside this store who aren’t working inside this store are shoppers.

Except, oddly enough, me at that very moment. Whoops.

I had been hiking in the rain and looked like an absolute bum. I had burrs stuck all over my pants, I was a bit wet, and disheveled. I could have said, “No, thank you” and left the store. I should have said, “No, thank you” and just left the store. But goshdarnit, I didn’t. I don’t know why I didn’t. Was I offended that this guy thought I wasn’t a shopper? Of Pilgrim Furniture City furniture? How dare he.

“Yes, of course I’m shopping! Why else would I be here? That would be weird,” I said, without a hint of irony.

I then spent an exceedingly long 25 minutes with earnest and well-meaning Salesman Kevin. I am apparently in the market for a sleeper sofa. Queen sized, please. Neutral color if you don’t mind, Kevin.

I was walked half a mile away to the sleepers and shown a few. I feigned interest. I asked questions. I learned about Pilgrim’s financing plan. I assured Kevin I wouldn’t be financing. I asked about shipping. I learned it would be $400. I texted my wife to tell her I’d found a nice sleeper sofa in our budget – at least that’s what I told Kevin. What I really texted was, “OMG, you won’t believe what I’m doing right now.”

Inventory was checked and you may be shocked, but the warehouse had exactly one of what I was interested in. He could hold it but only through the weekend. I explained how that wasn’t necessary, because we’d only need it by Christmas to accommodate relatives staying at our house.

Kevin kindly let me in on the “Pilgrim Friends and Family” secret 15% discount. Big brain me helpfully said that the couch in question would therefor be “about 760 dollars” at which point Kevin pulled out his calculator to let me know that it would be $762.

I couldn’t let that slide and said, “Bro, c’mon, I was two dollars off! Gimme some credit.” Kevin politely gave me credit and playfully insulted his own math abilities. As shameful as I’d been feeling through this whole ridiculous charade, I was now feeling downright crummy, despite being downright chummy. Kevin wanted his commission. I could have told him what it would be without his calculator. He seemed honest and quite professional and nice. I grew to like Kevin as I grew to dislike myself.

I was provided a business card and the Furniture Protection Plan. I was walked through the plan and I found it very comprehensive. I thanked Kevin for explaining it all to me.

We talked about the carousel and how when I would return in 24 hours on Saturday, my son would love to ride it. My wife would have to experience the sleeper couch before any decisions would be made. Surely Kevin understood that. May I take a picture of it? Of course! Thanks, Kevin.

I had to get out of there. But I was in deep. In fact, I was in so deep, my guilty conscience was contemplating buying a piece of furniture we have no use for.

As I left the store, I took one more long look at the very attractive carousel, imagining kids on it and hearing its calliope music. Kevin walked me the half mile back across the store. I honestly don’t know if he thought he had a sale or not, but I’m leaning towards yes. No way would any person carry on a ruse so long and so thoroughly. What is wrong with me?

I’ll tell you. I’ve done a lot of this sort of thing for this website. It’s usually far less time-wasting or deceitful though. This was perhaps a new low, or certainly close to it. So if any of you are in the market for mid-range furniture with 5 Years of Reliable Protections, please consider Pilgrim Furniture City.

Ask for Kevin.

Pilgrim Furniture City
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