Sweden: IKEA Swedish Restaurant

“Bork, Bork, Bork!”
IKEA Swedish Restaurant, New Haven
March 2024

You know what’s crazy. In preparation to write this page I did what I often do when writing about food I know very little about: I poked around the Internet for inspiration and clarity. I didn’t find anything interesting, probably because this is the exceedingly rare chain restaurant I’ve ever written about (and, well, it’s in a furniture store), but it was the fact that something was missing that struck me.

I didn’t see a single reference to “The Swedish Chef.”

How was this possible? Am I just straight up old already? Swedish cuisine automatically gets a Swedish Chef callback for me. “Bork, bork, bork.”

I suspect many of you have eaten at IKEA, but my goal here was to stick to Swedish items. Sure, I could have bought a bunch of stuff in the store and brought it home (and I did, actually), but this is the CTMQ Restaurant Tour of the World! Where we order hot food and sit at a table and enjoy it with friends and family!

And so, Calvin and I popped down to New Haven after a soccer game in Bethany to enjoy lunch together. Far och son.

Aside: that last phrase is “father and son” in Swedish but for kicks I looked up daughter (“dotter”) and child (“barn”). Barn?!

IKEA simplicity. Yes, this is “Swedish Restaurant.”

We headed straight for the food court, remarking how absolutely impossible that would be for my wife to do here. Granted, IKEA does their level best to make it impossible for anyone to skip the retail store to get anywhere, but we did our best. Neither Calvin nor I needed to buy anything, and if we did, it would likely be the wrong thing anyway. Let’s eat.

Actually, let’s wash our hands first.

The long hallway to the restrooms we used featured photos and stories regarding Swedish cuisine. Nice! Exactly the experience I want!

I believe they sell frozen crayfish in the Market, but I’ve never seen it on the menu in the restaurant. Truth be told, I’ve never loved cray/crawfish too much, but the pictures here sure made them look delicious.

Alright, enough preamble. It was time for me and Calvin to get our Fika on.

If you’re unfamiliar with “Swedish Restaurant” at IKEA – seriously, that’s what it’s called – it’s a cafeteria. You grab a tray and you grab your own cold and dry items, but an employee doles out whatever hot item(s) you want. I’m not sure why I’m explaining how cafeterias work. I believe I just described the dictionary definition of “cafeteria”.

And IKEA nails the cafeteria aesthetic. White tiled walls, dull tiled floors. Cheap plastic cups, cheap plastic trays, they whole nine yards (8.23 meters in Sweden).

I figured young Calvin would get something “American” but since he knows and loves IKEA’s frozen chicken balls at home, he went for the Swedish meatballs. With no sauce. Sigh. I think excluding the sauce un-Swedishfies the experience and what he got was “just some meatballs.” Fair enough, he’s 13 and doesn’t have the refined palate of your narrator, the esteemed CTMQ World Food Tour epicure.

The Swedish meatballs main, which I was more or less required to get as well, came with peas and mashed potatoes. I believe it always is served with the potatoes, but the veggies change. Calvin added a roll and a slice of chocolate cake. Oh, and some soda which here at Swedish Restaurant, they call it läskande. That sounds nice.

I grabbed a Stockholm Salad (greens, mustard, potato salad, thinly sliced marinated salmon with dill – what I’ve always called gravlax) and a slice of Swedish Apple Cake. Altogether this Scandinavian feast totaled about 43 bucks, or, 443 SEK. “Bork, bork, bork.”

One major difference here at Swedish Restaurant from my other experiences at other ethnic restaurants is that no one working or eating here was from the country Calvin and I were celebrating. We heard no Swedish banter; no Swedish grandmother poking and picking at her Swedish dish dishing Swedish gossip. This, of course, lessened our experience a bit, but that’s okay.

We took a seat and dug in. I started with my salmon and greens of course and thought it was pretty good for a mass produced, Saran Wrapped plate. I happen to love dill and mustardy dressing and salmon though. This isn’t high quality stuff, and it didn’t exactly transport me to the beautiful streets of Stockholm, but hey, I liked it. The unseasoned potato salad didn’t need to be there though.

Calvin reported his roll was like a rock.

I confirmed this was the case; by far the worst item of the day. Inedible.

The IKEA Swedish meatballs are arguably the second most famous thing from IKEA – the first being their printed instructions to build their particle board furniture that never square up properly. And for good reason: They’re really pretty good.

Meatballs are made Swedish by using a combination of beef and pork and soaked bread instead of breadcrumbs. But I think the thing that sets them apart from regular meatballs is that they are spiced with nutmeg and allspice. Well, that and the gravy which is just butter, stock, flour, and cream. Not a tomato in sight.

As noted, the default plate gets you eight balls, a big scoop of mashed potatoes, and a lot of peas. And don’t forget the lingonberry jam – it works great with the balls. (Before you think I’m crazy, it’s akin to cranberry sauce and turkey.)

Calvin tore through his plate of balls, despite them being dry and lingonberryless. He also ate up his potatoes and yes, even his peas. Then it was onto dessert for both of us.

The chocolate cake was a rich chocolate cake, but had nothing to do with our mission here, so let’s focus on the Swedish Apple Cake. Aka äpplekaka. Which probably doesn’t sound all that appetizing to all those languages where “caca/kaka” doesn’t mean cake.

A traditional äpplekaka requires Granny Smith Apples, so let’s assume IKEA does it right. As I understand it, the cake incorporates a buttery crust holding a spiced apple filling that is occasionally sealed with a thin pastry layer. The IKEA version mimics the classic and incorporates a thick pastry crust bottom topped with a thin layer of stewed apples. It’s essentially apple pie, but since it’s European, it’s less sweet than many American versions of the same – and the portion is pretty small.

Which is fine with me. It’s also served cold here, which is my preferred way of eating fruit pies. The äpplekaka is very dense, however, so don’t let the small slice fool you into thinking it’s not enough.

Calvin was happy with his Swedish experience, and I was happy with mine. No, eating at IKEA is not quite like eating at a Marcus Samuelsson restaurant in Gothenburg, but it doesn’t pretend that it is. The large dining room looks pure IKEA, with its modular white plastic furniture and bright overhead lighting.

In order to escape IKEA, we had to pass through a long stretch of retail area. I’m sure there is a secret shortcut that regulars know about. Regulars also come here for breakfast, which is supposedly pretty good. But it’s not very Swedish. They do have what they call “Swedish pancakes” which appear to be thin crepe-like pancakes and of course some more lingonberry jam.

IKEA’s Swedish restaurant has plenty of boring items that may be more suited to you or your boring family. As the case may be.